I ate a kids meal at McDonalds today;
His mom
got really angry
My son asked if I've seen the dog bowl;
I said
I never knew he did
I Feel bad for the calendar. Its days are numbered
I sing opera in the shower. It's fine until I get soap in my mouth. Then it's a soap opera.
What do you call a factory that makes okay products?
A satisfactory
The police just knocked on my door and told me my dog was chasing a kid on a bike. I just shut the door, my dog doesn't even have a bike
Last night, I lost my dog while I was making a salad. If anyone ceasar, lettuce know
The first computer was owned by Adam & Eve. It was an apple with very limited memory. Just one bite and it crashed.
Every time you get to work, you should hide
Good
Employees are hard to find
Why don't Dinosaurs make good pets?
Because
they're all dead
I'd love a job that pays me to sleep
That would
be my dream job
Someone came to my door today to ask for a donation for the local
swimming hole
So I gave him a glass of water
I had to kick Cinderella off the softball team
She
just kept running away from the ball
I was wondering why the ball just kept getting bigger and bigger
Then
it hit me
The head ref asked me to check his balance
SO I
pushed him
What do you call a dog that can do magic?
A
Labra-cadabrador
My printers name is Bob Marley
Becasue it
always be Jammin'
Why did I get fired from the keyboard factory?
Because
I wasn't putting in enough shifts
What music do balloons hate?
Popped Music
why did the rancher cut off the wifi at the ranch?
Because
the Cows kept downloading "Mooo-sic"
What do you call a wizard that fell down the stairs?
Tumbledore.
I was once addicted to the hocky-pocky
But I
turned myself around
I had to clean the vacuum because it was full of stuff
Does that make me a Vacuum Cleaner?
I got fired from my the bank today, a woman asked if I would check her
balance. So I pushed her!
Micro Chips!
My dog ate a whole bag of scrabble tiles, so I took him to the vet.
No word yet!
To the guy who invented Zero...
Thanks for nothing
If 666 is evil, then 25.8069758 is the root of all evil
I can't believe viruses and bacteria would just invade my body without
permission
It just makes me sick
My son asked if I'd see the dog bowl
I said I
never knew he did
I'm writing a book on reverse psychology
Please don't buy it
Top of page
Why’d the robot eat the lightbulb?
Because he wanted a light snack!
Why’d the robot cross the road?
Because he was
programmed by the chicken!
What’s a robots favorite genre of music?
Heavy metal!
What do you call a pirate droid?
Argh 2-D2!
Why is the robot mechanic never lonely?
He keeps making new friends!
What did the robot do at lunch time?
He had a Mega-Byte!
What do robot's eat for snacks?
Micro Chips!
Top of page
Don't be afraid to say "I don't know" because by admitting we don't
know, we will find ways to educate ourselves rather than continue
being ignorant
-- Richard P Feynman
Learn from yesterday
live for today,
hope for tomorrow.
The
important thing is not to stop questioning.
--
Albert Einstein
Two things are infinate: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not
sure about the universe.
-- Albert Einstein
Whats for Dinner?
I'm having fruit salad for dinner.
Well, it's mostly grapes actually.
all grapes... Fermented grapes.
OK, I'm having wine for dinner
-- Joe Varnell
Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not
sure about the universe.
-- Albert Einstein
There's a fine line between dedication and brain damage.
-- Joe Varnell