Dad Jokes
Gathered from whenever/wherever I could. Credit is given to all dads who have dumb jokes for their kids and whomever else is forced to listen
  • The other day I had the worst cashier ever! He was cranky and yelled a lot and couldn't figure out how to scan the items
    That's what I get for going through the self checkout.
  • Did you know the first French Fries were not cooked in France?
    They were cooked in grease
  • Last night my printer started playing music?
    Turns out it was just jamming
  • What does Beethoven do in his grave?
    He De-composes
  • I ate a kids meal at McDonalds today;
    His mom got really angry
  • My son asked if I've seen the dog bowl;
    I said I never knew he did
  • I feel bad for the calendar. Its days are numbered
  • I sing opera in the shower. It's fine until I get soap in my mouth. Then it's a soap opera.
  • What do you call a factory that makes okay products?
    A satisfactory
  • The police just knocked on my door and told me my dog was chasing a kid on a bike. I just shut the door, my dog doesn't even have a bike
  • Last night, I lost my dog while I was making a salad. If anyone ceasar, lettuce know
  • The first computer was owned by Adam & Eve. It was an apple with very limited memory. Just one bite and it crashed.
  • Every time you get to work, you should hide
    Good Employees are hard to find
  • Why don't Dinosaurs make good pets?
    Because they're all dead
  • I'd love a job that pays me to sleep
    That would be my dream job
  • People call me skeptical
    But I'm not sure if I beleive that
  • I gave my handyman 5 jobs to do; He only did jobs 1, 3, and 5
    Turns out he only does odd jobs
  • Do electricians only listen to AC/DC
    Or do they listen to something more current
  • I child proofed my house
    But they keep getting in

How about a random Dad Joke?

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    Robot Jokes
    Because sometimes, you need a good (or a dumb) robot joke
    Robot joke meme
    Why'd the robot eat the lightbulb?
    Because he wanted a light snack!
    Why'd the robot cross the road?
    Because he was programmed by the chicken!
    What's a robots favorite genre of music?
    Heavy metal!
    What do you call a pirate droid?
    Argh 2-D2!
    Why is the robot mechanic never lonely?
    He keeps making new friends!
    What did the robot do at lunch time?
    He had a Mega-Byte!
    What do robot's eat for snacks?
    Micro Chips!
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    Inspirational Quotes
    Some of the quotes that inspire me
    A fundamental problem in the world is that we divide into "us" and "them" and everyone should look for the "we" in the world
    — Joe A Varnell
    Don't be afraid to say "I don't know" because by admitting we don't know, we will find ways to educate ourselves rather than continue being ignorant
    — Richard P Feynman
    Listening to both sides of a story will convince you that there is more to a story than both sides
    — Frank Tyger
    For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong.
    — H. L. Mencken
    Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning.
    — Albert Einstein
    We act as if simple cause and effect is at work. We push to find the one simple reason things have gone wrong. We look for the one action, or the one person, that created this mess. As soon as we find someone to blame, we act as if we've solved the problem.
    — Margaret J. Wheatley
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    Quotes
    These are just quotes, sayings, and other stuff I just like
    What's for Dinner?

    I'm having Salad for dinner.
    More of a fruit salad.
    Actually, it's mostly grapes.
    All grapes...Old grapes...Fermented grapes.
    OK, I'm having wine for dinner
    — Joe Varnell
    Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.
    — Albert Einstein
    There's a fine line between dedication and brain damage.
    — Joe Varnell
    I think, therefore I am.
    — Descartes

    I don't think, Therefore I am a Youtube Influencer
    — no one cares
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    Websites
    These are a few websites that are fun and interesting
    Neal.fun

    This is a bunch of links to other websites that are interesting or fun. Try the Internet Artifacts to see how things were or launch an asteroid onto the earth and see what happens or do many other things that are fun or weird.

    Hackertyper.com

    Code like a hacker! or so it looks. Go to this website and start hitting keys. It will start typing out a program for you. You look like you're coding up something like a hacker in the movies.
    Conspiracy Theories

    Some interesting conspiracy theories from Chem trails to the New England Patriots (Deserving of Conspiracy Theories?) and some good, some not so good along the way
    xkcd

    And then there's xkcd, of course. If you like to think a little bit while you laugh, this is it

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