POOMA Process
In this day and age of being over processed, this is an alternative process. This is a process of no process. It’s sometimes called the “Wing it” process, or just do it process.
Some companies have this as their process. They succeed on programs either by force of will, or having some hero’s who come through in the end.
This document covers the operation of the Pull it Out Of My Ass (POOMA) process. This covers the operation of the document from start of the process to end of the process.
The purpose is to formally document the POOMA process for use by various companies and sub-groups within a company. This process is made up on the fly by pulling how you will do things out of your ass. In fact, by documenting this process in this document, this document is no longer applicable to itself.
There are no applicable documents. Any documents that may apply are immediately invalidated by the fact that there is documentation.
The various steps in the POOMA process are described in section 4.2. The order and process these steps are implemented are described in section 4.1, Process Flow.
There is no process planning. Since this is the POOMA process, all planning will be pulled out of your ass as you go and that is the plan.
The overall process of operation of the POOMA process is based on Section 4.2.1, make it up as you go. In general there is a start to the program process, execution of the program process, and the completion of the program process. However, they do not need to be in that order. Being, the POOMA process, it is acceptable to skip the start of the program process and jump into the execution of the process.
For example, once the program is complete and the process is complete, the start of the process can be executed and documented in retrospect. Typically, this is the preferred method so that, if the program goes right, it can document what was done to make it go right. If the program went wrong, the program process can be documented in such a way as to blame the workers for not following the process.
During the execution of the program process the process steps described in Section 4.2 can be applied as necessary to fulfill the requirement of operating a program under a process.
This section documents the how the various process steps are implemented. These are guidelines and is recommended process step operation. However, as everything in the POOMA process the steps can be changed, modified, update, screwed up, or even made into real viable process steps usable by other processes (not recommended).
The operation of this step is as follows:
· See that something needs to be done
· If needed, Wait for something to come to mind
· Do it
· Modify steps and new thought, ideas, or fantasies come to mind.
Once it is noticed that something needs to be done or a person is forced to do a something, do whatever comes to mind. Sometimes we are forced, usually by the management, to do something.
Wait for some idea of you are going to do to come to mind. It is better, but not required, that the thought is actually about the task at hand.
Caution: if the thought is violent, make sure it is focused on the task. For example, if the task is to write a document on the computer, destroy the computer. Then implement process step described in section 4.2.4.
Execute whatever thought came to mind. If the though does not appear to be toward the actual task that is supposed to worked on, try not to be seen.
If, while executing the task, you feel something different should be done, for what every reason, then change what is being done. This could be because the task is not getting done or that you were caught by management doing something that didn’t seem like it was useful toward the completion of the task.
This Process step is mainly for managers or leaders or someone else not directly responsible for the task and not really familiar with what is needed. For example, in the event you are requesting someone to write a document on System Safety and you’re not sure what is needed for System Safety.
Each time you are asked anything about the process step being performed, reply that you’ll know it when you see it.
Similar to Section 4.2.1.
This process step is intended to put the burden on others to work on the process. If you are planning to move up into management, this is not a preferred step
Pretend the task is being done.
As the overall process is proceeding you indicate that other information is necessary. If the other information was not agreed upon in advance indicate that the information is a standard part of the process and is required before either proceeding or before the program can be completed.
This process step has the operation has several benefits
This is similar to Section 4.3.1, make it up as you go, with the added feature where if you don’t know what is going on, you intimidate, point out the ignorance of others (whether true or not), belittle, and simply force your way through a task at any cost. If you threaten someone to get the job done, make sure it’s one-on-one where there are no witnesses.
The bulldoze step requires you to force your way through at any cost and it helps if you have very little conscience.
This is a long term process that does require some planning. Note: I apologize for the use of the dirty word “planning”. To use this process step appropriately, keep track of other peoples short mistakes, problems, and even if they have poor communications skills. In the case something fails on the program, blame them for any of their mistakes, problems, or poor communication. If possible, put some of your mistakes and problems on them if you’re pretty sure you won’t get caught.
The best way to keep information for placing blame is if you have e-mail or anything written or, if possible, a recording. Some people in higher management are very good at avoiding this by writing very little down and saying very little in public where there is someone to verify what they said.
The skill of back stabbing helps this process step